Tag Archives: faith

The loss of a child

When I heard the sound of my dad’s voice, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t expect what was coming.

The unthinkable happened. Tragedy struck my cousin and his family.
Heaven gained another angel, in the form of an eight year old boy.

Dad was calling to ask me to pray, and I knew that’s what I needed to do. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. There was such a jumble of emotions overwhelming me, and all I could think was Jesus help. Jesus, help!

I believe the Holy Spirit can decipher the groans of my heart. There have been other times when I had no words. He’s always heard me.

Psalm 38:8 I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart.

He gave me a little peace and I was able to put a call out to my prayer warrior friends. They astound me with their love and willingness to drop everything and take my request to the Lord. When I knew that my extended family was being covered in prayer, I was able to sit down and talk to Jesus.

While I can’t even begin to understand why this radiant little boy had to leave his family so soon, I have to trust that He has a plan, even in this. His plans are far greater than mine.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My heart won’t let my mind go there because it’s just too painful to imagine. I can’t fathom the pain they are feeling, and all I can do is pray. Will you pray for them too?

Jesus, help.

A spirit of fear

Life happens, and that’s a good thing. We should be thankful for that because it’s not a guarantee that we will wake up in the morning.

Life often times gets messy, and that makes it harder to be thankful. But that is when we should be the most thankful.

It’s hard to learn, but I’m getting there. Looking at my surroundings and being thankful, even in the mess and trials.

I’m not really a worry filled person, but I do struggle with fear, and I’m confessing that to you now for a reason. Fear does NOT come from the Lord. He did not equip me with a spirit of fear, in fact He equipped me to be a warrior for Him. His word tells me over 365 times not to fear! I’m not a mathematician, but that’s once for every day of the year. So really, I shouldn’t fear.

I’ve been praying about something for a while now, and nothing has happened with that prayer. I was ok with that, because sometimes God says it’s just not the right time. Sometimes He says wait. My favorite is when He tells me to Be Still and wait.

Yeah, I’m a control freak, and He’s working on that with me.

Anyway, the other day I was talking to my daughter about this prayer, and telling her I wasn’t sure what to be praying for, so I just placed it totally in His hands. Then I asked Him for a sign.

A couple of hours later I received an email, and that was my sign. Seriously, He gave me a sign, and it was a direct answer to the prayer.

Was I happy? Or filled with fear of the what ifs?

Fear

I carried it with me for three days before I thought to myself, “give it up!” So I did, and today I’ve felt ok about it. I’ve had a long talk with my very supportive and encouraging husband, and I feel good about what may come.

There’s still so many unknowns involved, and questions to be answered, but I am not going to walk in fear any more.

What makes you walk in fear?

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Isaiah 11:2 And the Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.

I’m linking up today with several wonderful writers over at The Extraordinary Ordinary- Just Write

My Inner Woman, My Creative Heart

I ran across a notebook from Blissdom as I was cleaning the bedroom, and wanted to share what I wrote in one of the breakout sessions. The session was Fierce living from your Creative Heart. This was a tear filled session that really made me think. Here’s what I wrote.

What does my creative heart need and want in 2012?

My creative heart seeks peace, and to be fully present in each moment. I need love and acceptance from those around me and to be around others like me, who GET me. I feel like my heart is telling me to share my story. The ugly and the unique. I want the courage to do that, and I really want to build a community that we can help each other. Encourage!

My inner woman who lives inside of my creative heart wants me to know it will be ok. Trust in the plans He has for me and lean on Him to lead me through the journey. Trials will strengthen and refine me. I will come out a changed woman. A woman with a story to share. A woman who is better in ways I never imagined. A woman who is stronger than I ever knew possible. A woman who knows love and is overflowing with gratitude for the journey that sparked the change.

Six word memoirs

Having courage to tell my story.
Full of hope and yet afraid.
Can I do this? Will I?
Faithful yet timid. Desiring all strength.
Embracing life, choosing joy and love.

What is your inner self saying? Share with me?

 

 

It’s part of the journey

Do you ever feel like you’re on a roller coaster ride and the attendant decides to take an extended lunch break? So you’re riding along and having fun, the ride slows down and you enter the chute where you will exit the ride, but the ride doesn’t stop. It goes right on through the chute and back up you go.

Maybe it will be fun to go again, you think.

You come to a slow and enter the chute again, expecting to stop this time, and continue right on through and back up again.

That’s what I feel like right now. I just want to get off of the roller coaster and take a breather.

I mentioned a few days ago that God was moving Big time, and it was wonderful! But ya know what happens when God moves? Satan gets worried that he’s losing the battle and he starts getting ugly. He fights dirty too. Pulls out all the nasty stuff and uses it to pull us back to his ways.

So, there’s a battle going on. It’s ugly. It’s not fun. It makes me cry.

It makes me lean closer to God.

It makes me call my prayer warriors.

It draws me nearer to Christ.

For some, it makes them question.

I know the victor. I will stand firm in His promises, and know that this is working for His good. He has a plan and I’m trying not to step in the way, all the while I’m trying to lead by example.

It’s not easy because I’m human and I fall short every day. The beauty of that is forgiveness and grace.

If only we choose to accept it.

So I will continue to ride this coaster until the journey is done. Each hill gets us closer.

Friday Fragments

I can only think in short bursts right now, so this is going to be in list form.

  1. This has been a really good week in that God is moving BIG time in the heart of someone I love dearly. I’m talking radical changes that make my head spin! It’s a total answer to prayers, but I also know it is a journey that begins with a single step. That step can go forward or backward. There will be good days and hard days. We’ve had a few of both. There’s been lots of tears and laughter, and they seem to go together right now. I am trying to let God run the show and not take over, which is hard for me. I want to step back and let Him lead us. I’d appreciate your prayers for this!
  2. This has been a trying week because I feel under pressure. I feel the pressure to remain positive and strong, when sometimes I’m just lost. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m human, and I need to fully rely on God
  3. Homework has been a chore for the youngest this week. He had a project for a famous American, so there was writing and memorization and nerves. We couldn’t find him a coonskin hat so dad saved the day and made him one out of a stuffed animal. He rocked the presentation this morning! I think part of the problem has to do with playing his iPod when he is supposed to be sleeping. I’ll be keeping the iPod for charging purposes at night from now on. Hopefully that will help with tiredness and attitude.
  4. As I type this, satan is hard at work. He sees the changes that have been happening and he’s trying to stop it from happening. Please join with me in prayer that my loved one can shut out his voices and rest in the promises of Jesus.

Undefeated- The Movie

Undefeated is a coming of age documentary from filmmakers T.J. Martin and Dan Lindsay based on the 2009 football season of the Manassas Tigers. The original plan was for a thirty minute documentary focused on O.C. Brown, and that turned into a full-blown movie project. Undefeated recently won the Oscar for Best Documentary!!

Manassas High School was founded in 1899, and the Tigers had never won a playoff game. It’s a school that doesn’t have the funds for a fancy field, proper equipment, or even a coach. What it does have though, is kids that want to be a part of something bigger.

Bill Courtney loved to coach. It was his dream actually, but it wouldn’t pay the bills, so he started his own business in 2001. He says he never quit coaching though. Coaching was his passion. His passion led him to Manassas, and 17 players that had a 6-54 record for the previous six years.

Courtney and his team of volunteers impacted those boys that were from the inner city. They cared about them and they prayed with them. It was more than just football, but it changed the way that football was played by those kids.

It changed lives.

It changed Manassas football.

There were a few times that I cried while watching. The stories of the boys are so endearing and heart breaking too. I was rooting for them personally and on the field, just like Courtney was.

There’s a line in the film where Courtney says, “If you think football builds character, it does not. It reveals character.” It’s such a powerful moment. I think I can still hear him saying it.

My husband came in while I was watching it, and sat down with me. He’s telling his friends they need to see it. That’s what I’m telling you. See it, it’s great. There are a few curse words in it, so you’ve been warned. It is PG-13, from The Weinstein Company.

Click here to watch the trailer. UNDEFEATED

This Is My Story

My pastor has encouraged us to write our story and share it, in 250 words or less. That’s not a lot of words! I was trying to keep it short and concise and ended up with 272. One paragraph was taken out completely and I ended up with 250, exactly. This is what I sent him.

I grew up spending the weekends with my grandparents, and attending church with my maternal grandparents. I didn’t know why I did it, I just did. I found out a few years ago that my dad was frequenting bars and my mom didn’t know if he would come home, or in what shape he would arrive if he did.

I was baptized at the age of 9, and fell away from God when I was in college. College is also where I met my husband.

We graduated, got jobs and were married. Almost two years later we expanded our family, and two years after that we grew again. Looking at things from a mothers eyes changed my perspective, and I knew I wanted our kids to grow up with Jesus.

It was around this time that my dad was in horrible pain from herniated discs in his back and on disability. He felt useless and picked up the gun to take his own life. Something made him cry out, Jesus help me, and at that moment my dad felt His presence so deeply that he was a changed man. He is now an Elder in his church.

My family began attending church and in 2003 my husband was baptized. He has struggled with depression and anxiety, and I know that God has carried me through those trials. Some days it felt like faith was all I had.

God is currently working miracles in my husbands heart and it makes me so happy.

My Blissdom Weekend

I only have a few minutes and I’m still trying to wrap my head around all the amazing things going on right now, so this is going to be short.

I won a free conference pass to Blissdom a while back and I was really unsure if I would be able to go or not. Well, I went and had a great time. I also met some crazy talented women! I also made some new friends for life.

I seriously mean it when I say God had this written in my plan from day one. I am blessed and incredibly honored to have amazing people in my life.

At this conference I was challenged to write something dangerous and not safe. This has been brewing in me for a while now, and I’m working on it. I promise I’m going to share it soon.

I drove home late Saturday night with the help of two energy drinks and arrived safely into my husband’s arms a little after 4 am. My family is a huge part of my heartbeat and I had missed them terribly.

It was good to be missed too!

I’m going to be making changes around here soon, so I hope you’ll continue to hang around with me.

Kim and Krickett Carpenter-The Vow

I had the privilege of talking to Kim and Krickett Carpenter last week. They are an amazing couple and I ended the interview feeling blessed to talk with them. I saw The Vow last Wednesday night, and I loved it! If you haven’t seen it yet, please make the time to do so soon.

Me: I have to tell you we were all laughing, crying and cheering you two on! Your story had us from the very beginning. I didn’t know that you never regained your memory Krickett, and I was left wanting more at the end. I wanted to see you two fall in love all over again!

Carpenters: Well thank you very much! We’ve been hearing that a lot, and have to tell you that the movie leads you right to “The Vow: The True Events that Inspired the Movie ”
Me: How old were you when you met?

Carpenters: Kim was 27 and Krickett was 23

Me: I read somewhere that your shared faith helped you two get back together again. Can you tell me about it? Was that a faith in love, each other, or the Lord? The movie didn’t really touch on it.

Carpenters: Our real strength and  faith is in the Lord. It came from two sets of parents who have over 100 years of anniversaries combined, and a very devout faith.

Me: I have to admit that I was angry with your parents, Krickett, and how they were treating you, but your mothers vulnerability when she said she remembered all of the good and forgave the one mistake, that was so great.

Carpenters: That never happened. The affair never happened. That was something that Hollywood added in, along with portraying me as being alone in all of it, and the divorce. I (Kim) was not alone, I actually have a twin and wonderful parents. We never divorced. At one point, Krickett was living with her parents and rehabbing, and I did move back in with my parents to regain some sense of normalcy, but we were never apart for more than four days. I would fly back and help her rehab.  At one point I felt that it was not going to work, but I wasn’t going to leave until I knew Krickett was capable of  taking care of herself and could look me in the face and tell me to go. It took a counselor to help us understand the aspect that Krickett had no memory of me.

Me: How did you find your way back to love?

Carpenters: On Valentines day 1996 I asked Krickett to remarry me, and on May 25th we rededicated our marriage. We took vows and made a commitment before God until death do us part. The institution of marriage is different for some now, as in the death of the marriage. Lack of commitment has created instability. It used to be death do us part as in the death of your soul mate.

Me: Tell me about your kids. What do they think of your story?

Carpenters:  They are a real blessing, and it’s a great life lesson for them. We are more excited about having them witness this and experience it first hand. We  kept our vow and our word. It’s a priceless lesson.

Our main prayer in this is to inspire lives and lead people to do the right thing. A place where families can grow and flourish. We had the opportunity to persevere and it was a matter of obedience to Christ. The media tried to portray me (Kim) as a hero,but I’m not. I made a vow and kept it. We are in a normal marriage where there are challenges and it takes work.
We are so happy with Channing and Rachel. They studied us and watched us in interviews. There are some things that are just dead on in the movie, and the movie will lead you to the “The Vow: The True Events that Inspired the Movie ”

My time with Kim and Krickett was too short, and I can’t wait to download the book and read more about them. I hope you will too.