This is a continuation to my last post on By His Wounds. Apparently my listening skills are being honed in well, because one of my devotions yesterday was on this exact verse from Isaiah 53:5. “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” In total understanding now that this message is directed clearly at me by my Savior, I delved a little deeper.

Why is He sending me this verse, and how can I apply it to my life? After thinking and praying about it, I discovered that I often times feel so unworthy of His love and sacrifice. I feel unworthy of His great sacrifice for little old me, not that I am a criminal or anything like that, but I do sin. I fall short daily and allow fear in, harbor resentment, am quick to anger at times, unable to control my tongue and speak gossip, turn to food as a source of comfort, fall prey to judgement. Even now, I want you to understand where I am coming from, agree with me, accept me for who I am, an unworthy sinner. But I know that doesn’t come from you, because we all struggle with things and issues daily. We are human, and satan is trying his hardest to help us fail. We are all unworthy, and Jesus knew that when he was beaten and tortured. He knew that when He was made to carry His cross. He knew it when He was dying and said it is finished. He knew it, but He came, He died, and He rose again for us anyway!! Jesus loves every one of us. No one is beyond His redemption, healing, salvation and grace. He wants us to experience the depth of God’s love through His nail scarred hands. Those same hands that comfort me when I am weak, they comfort you too. They comfort people in prison for heinous crimes, and they provide healing to drug addicts in their pain. I guess I am learning that we are all unworthy, but He loves us all the same. He deemed me worthy long before He put me here on this earth.
He was pierced for my transgressions, He was crushed for my iniquities. The punishment that brought me peace was upon Him, and by His wounds, I am healed. Thank You Jesus, my Savior!

My 3 year old son awoke again at around 3:30 am, crawled into bed and said he just wanted to snuggle for a minute. Many thoughts run through my head at once….I am so tired…He is sooo sweet…I’ll never fall back to sleep…What a precious time this is, and how my window of opportunity shrinks the older he gets. So, as I move over and he crawls in beside me, the only thing I can think of is THANK YOU JESUS! I start to pray, and recite all the things I have to be thankful for, and this song popped into my head. Written by Mac Powell, it is called By His Wounds.

He was pierced for our transgressions
He was crushed for our sins
The punishment that brought us peace
Was upon Him
And by His wounds
By His wounds, we are healed.

We are healed by your sacrifice
And the life that You gave
We are healed for You paid the price
By Your grace, we are saved
We are Saved

What can wash away my sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus!

Now because it is the middle of the night, and not too much can cloud my head, I think I was better able to listen to Jesus and what He was trying to tell me. I say that because sometimes in my prayer time, I talk and don’t stop to listen. I have too much to do, excuses! Anyway, He put this on my heart, and here I am at 4:30 a.m. telling you about it.

Take the time to listen for Him to speak. We are healed, we are saved, we are washed white as snow because of His sacrifice.

I’ve fallen off the blog! Since my last post I have been consumed in dance competitions with my daughter, and racing with my oldest son, along with a 4 day trip to Nevada with my husband. It barely seems like we have had time to breathe, and I don’t see an end in sight for another month. What is happening to us that we are constantly on the go and have little or no down time? I crave an evening where we don’t have anywhere to go, and we can get jammies on and snuggle, share time with each other, and catch up. Maybe tonight that will happen.

I’ve gotta run now, hopefully I can catch you up soon!

This post has been weighing on my mind lately. I have finally decided to breathe it to this blog. I think what happened yesterday in Virginia is a wake up call. When something like that happens, and it seems too prevalent for me, it makes us scared, angry, sad, and overwhelmed with fear. It brings to light that we are in a spiritual war, but it’s not one for us to fight alone. God has a plan for all things, so the battle belongs to Him. With Him, we will be victorious.

I struggle with control. I like to have it! I say I struggle because I know in my heart that I have none, and don’t really want the massive responsibility of it, but I feel like I need it. Even though I believe in Gods plan, and want to follow it, I will catch myself trying to solve a problem on my own. Good example– Last July 4th, my then 2 year old wandered off in a crowd of people. It was extremely frightening, and I immediately went into a panic trying to find him. I didn’t take it to the Lord first. I didn’t ask Him for help. I say this to you because it still bothers me that I tried to do it by myself. Jesus was with us, and He was protecting my son, but I didn’t bring Him in for help. I thought I could do it alone. BUT I CAN’T! Nor do I want to. So all of that to tell you we must first seek the Lord. Trust Him.

2 Chronicles 20 tells us about King Jehoshaphat, and how he put his fear aside to seek God and trust in His word. Jehoshaphat has learned that an army of Moabites and Ammonites are coming to wage war on him. Verse 3 tells us what Jehoshaphat does first. 20:3 Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resloved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. 4 The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him. They stopped everything, fasted, and sought the advice of the Lord! Verse 6 is the prayer Jehoshaphat stood up and prayed. 20:6 O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand and no one can withstand you. 7 O our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Isreal and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? 8 They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, 9 If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us. 10 But now here are men from Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, whose territory you would not allow Israel to invade when they came from Egypt; so they turned away from them and did not destroy them. 11 See how they are repaying us by coming to drive us out of the possession you gave us as an inheritance. 12 O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you. Wow, our eyes are upon you. He laid it all out. He was facing the biggest war of his life, and in it he shows us how to handle adversity. Jehoshaphat sought the Lord by fasting, and he gathered others together to fast and pray, confessed his helplessness, obeyed the Holy Spirit, put his trust in the Lord and His word, and he gave Him thanks and the honor that He deserves. I need this, and plan to continue this message in a later post. It is guidance for victory.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the students, staff, faculty, and family members of Virginia Tech. They all awoke yesterday morning expecting it to be a normal day, and then tragedy struck in a big way. It just reminds me that we are not in control of anything in this earthly realm. We sometimes take that for granted.

In times like these we especially need to go to the One who is in control. Don’t waste time asking why, because we may never know. Just take it to the Lord in prayer, and He will comfort you.

We have only 2 days left of spring break. Indiana has reared its’ ugly weather head at us, and made it difficult for us to be outside. For the past couple of weeks we have had warmer than usual temps, but Tuesday that all changed. It feels like winter again! I had wanted to go to the zoo. Matthew has only been once, and we all haven’t been since they renovated the dolphin area. Monday was really nice, but we were hanging out waiting on Brian to come home so Zach could go to the race track and practice. Brooke also had a shopping trip with Grammie that day. They were in search of a new swimsuit, but found a cute Easter outfit instead. Tuesday a big storm was headed our way, so we went to the movies and saw Meet the Robinson’s. I would recommend you go see it. It is clean, and has a really good family theme. We did not see it in 3D, and that is the only thing that could make it better. Today we went back and saw Are We Done Yet. It was funny, but there were two areas that could have been left out in my oppinion. You know the ones where your kids are sitting next to you, and you’re thinking please don’t go any further? Yeah, that. Luckily they did not go on, and no questions were asked. But I just have to wonder why it’s even in the movie. So as you can see, we haven’t done anything spectacular, but we have rested and had fun together. I am already sad that Monday will bring us full swing into our regular and busy routine. It is kind of nice that spring break and Easter have coincided this year. The kids and I have talked about palm sunday, Good Friday, and Easter. This is the reason we live and breathe.

We all need to reflect on Jesus’ walk into Jerusalem, His teachings, the immense beating that he endured, and the cross that He carried knowing that He would be crucified on it. He was nailed to that cross and suffered a horribly painful death for us. ALL for US! What did you do today that reflects your gratitude and love for Him? Have a blessed Easter, and celebrate the fact that Jesus died and rose again!

It’s so easy to slip, and do something you know is wrong, or to let fear take hold of your heart and restrict you from something great. Sometimes it is just bitterness that is hard to let go of that makes you slip. I have been guilty of all those things, and I can usually feel a little tug around the ankles if I pay close enough attention. Ya know what I’m saying? That tug is satan. He is always trying to pull you down, and he has many tricks in his bag. But since I am such a visual person, I also can see Jesus beside me, with His arm outstretched ready to pull me up. He doesn’t operate with trickery, just unconditional love. Why is that so hard for some to accept?

I have been working on a broken relationship the past few days. The relationship used to be a good one, and then something happened. If I knew specifically what it was, it would be easier to fix. This has carried over for way too long, even after I apologized for anything that I might have done, and asked for forgiveness. It has hurt me and my husband, and I want the pain to end. When I feel like I have made some progress, I feel shut out again. I need to spread the love of Christ, and not let satan rule the time we do share together. But he is there tugging, so I just reach closer to God, because He can change me and show me His favor. He can also give me the strength to keep trying, even when I might just want to cry. This is me on spring break…just talking to myself. haha

Have you ever known what you were supposed to do, or what you wanted to do and been too chicken to do it? It’s a really sickening feeling in your gut, as you contemplate what you want to do, and how others will view your actions. Part of you is screaming, JUST DO IT, and the other is letting fear motivate actions. I was in that position tonight. What brought me out of it was my three year old son, Matthew.

My kids and I were having dinner at another home, where prayer before eating is not part of the routine. They started eating, and as I am sitting there, looking at my plate and my kids, I was weak. I was weak. In my moment of weakness, Matthew screams! I was horrified, and before I could say anything, he did it again. This time I heard what he was saying. Stop eating! We need to pray! My three year old stood up for Jesus, and held me accountable. He gave me the strength to pray for everyone, and I lived to tell about it. I have since used this as a learning lesson with my oldest kids. Though you think it may be awkward, it might be the only time some people experience prayer. It might be the only time Jesus is invited in, and the only time you introduce faith and thanksgiving into their home. So go ahead and push satan away, and bring Jesus into the house with you. He loves everyone!

Dear Lord,
Please forgive me for hiding You. You are nothing to be ashamed of, for everything I have is because of You. Thank You for my freedom to worship you, and share my love for You with others. I pray that I will always know Your will, have spiritual understanding, and walk in a manner that is pleasing in Your sight. Help me to be a witness to others, and spread Your love to everyone I come in contact with. Can You help me to be a light unto this world? And a light for my children, so that they will shine for You too? Thank You, Lord, for loving us so much that You died for us, for me. Amen

Since my daughter is the inspiration for this blog, let me tell you a little bit about her. She is “almost 11,” going on much older, beautiful on the inside and out. She is also very strong willed, like me, and that sometimes causes conflict. We are working on that! She loves the Lord, and has made a commitment to follow Him. At her tender age she knows so much. I am so proud of her, and am astounded at the amount of responsibility God has given us in raising our children to be followers of Him.

Brooke has danced since she was 2 years old, and about half of that time she has been on a performing team that dances in competitions. She has done very well, but last year was rough for her and her friends. There was a shake up at the studio she was in, and it caused turmoil. We made the decision to leave with some other people after much discussion, prayer and thought. The Lord has shown us many times, and in many different ways, that we have made the right decision and followed Him. The directors of the new studio are filled with faith and love for God, and they are missionaries of sort. Through them, and the dances they choreograph, and the music they choose, they are spreading the light of Jesus. It has been a blessing!

Of course I love all of her dances, and am impressed at her courage to go out on stage all by herself and do a solo. She is a little witness as she dances to “Talk about it” by Nicole C. Mullen. Her tap dance is so tough and funny, Hip Hop has been a fun challenge, Jazz production is amazingly good, and Lyrical is beautiful. Some people like lyrical, and others don’t. It’s not my husbands favorite, but it is mine. The movements are so fluid and perfectly choreographed to the music of “Never Alone” by BarlowGirl. They tell a wonderful story on stage, and it moves me every time. Are there tough days that you just want God to show up and let you see Him? That’s kind of the story behind this song.

Never Alone-Barlow Girl
I waited for You today
but You didn’t show
no no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
said You’d be there
and though I haven’t seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
and I can’t feel You by my side
so I’ll hold tight to what I know
You’re here and I’m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can’t explain why
such a deep, deep reassurance
You’ve placed in my life

We cannot separate
‘Cause You’re part of me
and though You’re invisible
I’ll trust the unseen

I wish I could play this for you. I encourage you to listen to it, and feel the words. It is beautiful, especially with my baby girl dancing to it. The message will give you hope and peace. We don’t need to See Him, just open your heart and feel His presence. He is always here, and we are never alone.

My dad and I had a great conversation this morning. We talked a little about forgiveness, and the peace you are left with when you partake in the act of giving it all to God, and not carrying the junk around with you. He asked me why did I think it took him so long to finally come to terms with that. Was the Lord hanging back wondering the same question? I said maybe God taught him a lesson, so that now he understands what it’s like to carry the burden and finally unload it, and he can better minister to people about forgiveness. With me it has to be a daily prayer. I need to ask God to use me and work through me to reconcile the feelings I have toward others, and to heal the hurts caused by them. I need to remind myself that just because I am forgiving them, that is not giving them any power, or saying that what they did was right or OK. I have to trust that God will deal with them on my behalf. I don’t need to worry about it. But I do have to have this same conversation with Him daily, or I notice resentment coming to the surface. And that is UGLY!

Forgiveness is a two way street. I have tried over the past month to put my issues aside and ask forgiveness. If I have had a tiring day with my 3 year old, and have to run back and forth with my other children’s activities, it has been really easy for me to take it out on my husband. It is sometimes too easy to be crabby to Brian, and put up a front for others that everything is fine. Is that because I know he loves me? Is that because he is the only adult here that I can speak to? Is it because I want him to share his feelings and frustrations with me? Maybe, but that doesn’t make it right. He has been away all day with his own struggles, and shouldn’t get the worst of me when he comes home. I am realizing this, and trying not to be selfish, like the only child that I am! Brian should get the best of me when he comes home, and that will set the tone for the evening. I am working on that, and have to let you know how quickly I progress. If I can give it to God before Brian comes home, things will be great. And when I don’t manage to do that, I need to apologize to my husband for my behavior, and ask for forgiveness. This reminds me of the song we sing at church called “I’m Forgiven.”

“I’m forgiven, because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
because You died and rose again!”

What an amazing gift we have been given! I hope that if there is something you have been carrying around, you will unload it today, and feel the awesome love and peace that is waiting for you with Jesus.