Brooke is currently sitting in her second class of Drivers Ed. This wasn’t my idea. I don’t think she needs to drive, but she and daddy disagree with me.
On Friday evening we watched Brooke cheer the Cougars on at their first loss. It was a tough game! I love watching Brooke though, so I still enjoyed it. She is simply beautiful, loves deeply, and is so kind hearted. I am blessed to call her my daughter.
She will be starting Drivers Ed on Wednesday, so I could use lots of prayers. I’m going to be a blubbering mess!
Saturday brought with it Matthew’s second basketball game of the season. He has picked up a lot since last year, and it’s fun to watch him understand what’s going on. It also helps that Brooke’s boyfriend is an awesome player on the Varsity team, and he is eager to help Matthew out.
Here’s where the confession comes. Are you still there? I’m just a little competitive. Ok, maybe a lot! I could tell you that I just want him to have fun, but I really want him to win. I want him to have fun while winning. I don’t know where this comes from, because I didn’t play any sports when I was little. But something comes out in me, and it’s not pretty.
This year we have a referee, and he makes some calls, but he clearly stated that they didn’t want him to make too many. Well, when a kid takes my baby down to the floor, I expect a call. I almost came off the bleachers to save Matthew, but thought better of it when Brian looked me in the eye and told me “it’s ok.” Obviously it was NOT ok, as some kid just took. my. baby. down!! Then his mom cheers him on! This is when something snapped in me, and I yelled out, “don’t let him push you around, Matthew!” And the next time Matthew scored, I cheered extra loud. Looking back, I’m not proud of my behavior. I am proud of Matthew though.
That evening we had the pleasure of traveling to another Cougars game, and watching them pull off an awesome win. The calls were terrible, and it was a close game up to the last second, but it was probably the most exciting basketball game I’ve been to. Everyone left smiling.
Yesterday we cleaned the house a little and Brooke’s boyfriend spent the day with us. He was outside playing basketball with the boys while Brooke finished a project, and I think she might have been jealous. It was sweet. Matthew has been having a hard time leaving me for school lately, some days he has cried and not wanted to get out of the car in the drop off line. This has gone on for a couple of weeks now, and it always rears up at the last minute in drop off, until last night. Last night, he became very teary when I said there were only eight more days of school until Christmas break. He told me he didn’t want to go to school because he misses me too much when he’s there. We spent some time laying on my bed talking, crying, and praying. I told him that we thought our family was complete, and then I decided we needed one more child, and that Jesus gave us him. I shared with him that Jesus knew what He was doing, and that He has great plans for Matthew. Also that He’s always with us, so when we get scared, all we have to do is call out to Him. We prayed a lot, and we went to bed in a better place.
I didn’t wake up today with that same light heart though. I hit the snooze button, so there wasn’t time for me to do my bible reading. I was grouchy when I walked into the kitchen that I had cleaned yesterday, and discovered a large mess on the table and in the sink where someone made muddy buddies and didn’t clean up after themselves. The dog was into EVERYTHING! I was also dreading waking Matthew up. I didn’t want to deal with any more tears, and I was just a grump. Little things kept hitting me, and I know it was satan. Brooke waited until this morning to print off her project and the printer needed to run a test print first. Her ride showed up and she told them to go on, so I had to take her to school. I was in a full blown tizzy by that time. When I came back home, Matthew and I sat at the kitchen table together. I could tell that he was trying to hold back the tears, and he could probably tell I was being overly talkative. We were doing well until he reminded me that we needed to fill out his reading log, and I couldn’t find it. I made one out, and we were racing out the door to make it to school on time. I drove to the end of the road, came to a rolling stop and turned right. As soon as I did, I saw the cop sitting there. When I passed him, he pulled out behind me, and next I saw his lights. I knew what I had done. I was guilty and wrong. And running late.
The officer was very nice and just gave me a warning. I know I should stop. Completely.
We went off and made it to school in time. Both of us were trying to hold it together by this time, and we managed to do so. I promised him last night that we would do something special if he didn’t cry, so tonight we made homemade sugar cookies together. As we were sitting at the table, he said, “thanks for bringing me into this world.” I chuckled as I asked him where that came from, and he said, “you know, last night when you were talking to me about wanting another baby, thanks for having me.” My heart melts!
Every year is difficult for me. Same with birthdays and holidays. These are the days that it slaps me in the face, my babies are growing up. Yes it’s natural, but it hurts. How I long for the days when I wasn’t embarrassing to them, and when hugs and kisses were still cool.
We have a tradition around here. Maybe you have it too. I always take a first day of school picture of them standing in front of our peonies. I love it, they hate it. They complain, they relent. Until this year. Brooke wouldn’t do it.
I may have said something irrational like, “it’s a freaking first day of school tradition!”, but I can’t completely own that right now. What I can do is this. Just two days before, we had gone out to eat with the in laws, and I made the kids pose in front of a giant giraffe. Brooke made me promise that I wouldn’t post the picture on Facebook, and I did promise that.
Now, I knew they had something planned, so I snapped a picture before they realized it. Then I snapped another one. Neither one is going to pass the Brooke test. She is super critical of self portraits…not sure where that comes from. (me) ahem…
Anyway, I didn’t post the picture on Facebook, but I am forced to post it here to document how big she is on or near the first day of school.
Brooke is a sophomore. She’s beautiful, inside and out. I love her!
Zach is in the 7th grade this year. He’s so handsome and funny. I love him!
Matthew is in 2nd grade. He just got these glasses. I think he is so dang cute! I love him!
Every year is difficult. My babies are growing up. I love them so much!
Today I turned 38. I have the gray hairs to prove it. The first time I wrote 38 beside my name was this morning when I took Matthew to the doctor. He was a little whiny on Saturday, so I thought he was coming down with something, but then Sunday he seemed better. Yesterday I asked them to clean their rooms and he started complaining of a sore throat. Now being the great mom I am, I sprayed some Cepacol on his throat and sent him on his cleaning way. He didn’t complain anymore until we went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. Basketball practice tonight would have made it a little late to go out, so we rolled with it. Only when we got sat down at the restaraunt, Matthew looked really pale. Then he developed dark circles under his eyes, and before the salads came out his head was on the table! He got so sick, so quick! We stopped at CVS on the way home and stocked up on Motrin and cough syrup. His temp was 101 when we got home, and he went straight to bed. Without being asked. My baby is sick!
The Delsym didn’t work on his cough, so within a few hours he was up and in bed with me. We have a king size bed, so there’s a whole lotta room on the other side, but he snuggled up right next to me. Even his feet were hot! Our night was spent tossing and turning, and when he started moaning in his sleep I’d wake him up and take his temp, re dose him with Motrin and change the cool cloth on his head.
As I went to get his clothes this morning he said “Mom, can I tell you something?”. I leaned down on the bed next to him and he said “Happy Birthday”. Oh melt my heart you sweet boy! I gave him a hug and kissed his head, to which he said “are you sure you wanna do that?”. Oh how he brings me joy.
The strep test was negative but the flu test was strongly positive. Since we hadn’t had the fever for over 24 hours she prescribed Tamiflu, and even gave me prescriptions for the other kids. God bless her!! By the time we left the doctor and picked up the prescriptions, with some gatorade and popsicles, my boy was pooped! He came home and crashed out. We can’t seem to keep the fever under control, it’s been as high as 103 and I don’t like that.
Someone said they were sorry I had to spend my birthday like this. But ya know what? I’m a mom, and this is what a mom does. I hold heads when they are throwing up, and then I wipe mouths. I give hugs and kisses when they don’t feel well. I snuggle and rub backs and feed popsicles. I hate that my baby boy is so sick, but today is just another day. I happened to turn 38 today because 38 years ago my mom endured a difficult and painful labor with me, and God blessed me with another day. Another day that I can use to take care of my sick kiddo. And I am grateful to Him for that.
As a mom, I find myself trying to etch certain memories into my brain and heart to be kept with me forever. Whether it be the big things in life, or even something small in the grand scheme of things. Whatever it is, touches me so deeply that I don’t want to let it go. Ever.
So I decided to keep a list of them here, and will continually add to them. Being a perfectionist, I naturally want to go back to the beginning of time to start the list…but I won’t. Yet…
I always want to remember how gracefully Brooke dances, and the beautiful smile on her face when she does it.
The way Matthew crawls onto my lap for bedtime prayers and he wraps himself around me.
The way Zach thinks he’s too big for a hug but he still lets me hug him anyway.
Matthew calls his morning oatmeal…oakmeal. It’s so dang cute!
And lastly, when I step back and just observe them, how much love they have for each other. Yeah, they argue and fight over silly stuff, but they also have these great moments in time together. Shared sibling moments that I never experienced, and sometimes just don’t understand. But I love experiencing them through their moments. I am so blessed!
With two boys , ages 12 and 7, it was bound to happen. Or so they tell me. Other moms of wild and rambunctious boys who are obsessed with wrestling. Every time I turn around my boys are wrestling and rolling around on the floor, being really rough with each other. It seems brutal to me, but they assure me they’re just playing around. I’m constantly telling them to settle down, be nice, and hands off of each other. CONSTANTLY!
Two weeks ago Matthew accidentally hit Zach in the mouth, causing a swollen and bloody lip. Last week Zach accidentally hit Matthew just under his eye. I’m so used to the rough housing that I didn’t immediately pay attention. A little bit later I noticed something under his eye. A reddish blackened area that looked like this..
This is how it looked the next day when he went to school. Guys, let me just say that I felt so awful about sending him to school looking like this that I sent his teacher an email trying to explain it. I think I failed.
But I tell you it was bound to happen with these boys of mine. My sweet, precious boys.
I tried to coerce the older kids to have their picture taken with Santa, but they decided to
wreak havoc skip out and walk the mall with friends. So Matthew and I were left alone, in a fairly short line, and he decided he didn’t want to see Santa alone. The vision of me squatting at the knee of Santa one year while holding Matthew in my arms pops into my head. I wasn’t dressed for the occasion, and I hate that picture! This can’t be happening again! So I did what every good mom would do. I begged and pleaded, gave him my sad face, and it worked. He marched right up there and sat down on Santa’s lap, and proceeded to tell him what is on his wish list. And a few other things that he hadn’t told me yet.
Now I love this Santa. He is the same man that Brooke sat on 14 years ago when she was a baby. It was the same man 2 years later when Zach was a baby. We have history. We go way back. I will cry if he retires before Matthew…ya know…finds out….
We won’t go there, not yet. He knows that we celebrate Christmas for Jesus birthday and not for Santa, but it’s just one of those magical things that I’m not ready to give up on yet.
The final four goldfish that were won at the county fair have gone to Heaven. I was not a big fan, but Matthew was always so diligent about feeding them. I texted Zach and told him, who then passed the news on to Matthew. The text I received back said, “Matt says, that’s bacon!” Huh?? So maybe it’s not such a sad note, and he was tired of feeding them. He is a crazy kid. Always makes me smile!
Today I promise I will wait
Agreeing to stay pure.
Because I know God loves me and
His blessing is in store.
Because I know there are some things that happen only once and value my own purity; I’m choosing abstinence.
My body is God’s temple and I want to keep it pure. A precious gift I’m giving to the one I’m waiting for.
So I will be reminded every time I wear this token. A three-strand chord entwined in love is never quickly broken.
Because I trust that Jesus has a special love for me. I choose to love and honor Him by waiting patiently.
This is taken from a bookmark that holds the purity ring. It says Cross gifts on it, and it is simply beautiful. The ring itself says “today, I will wait agreeing to stay pure because I know God loves me and His blessing is in store.”
My 14 year old daughter is on the receiving end of some fierce prayers right now. I honestly cannot believe what she is bombarded with on a daily basis. It brings me to tears, and on my knees seeking Jesus.
I am proud of her for sitting through our discussion on purity, and for her honesty in sharing what is happening in her school. IN HER SCHOOL!! I am proud of her and the statement she is making when she wears this ring. I love her so much. I want to shelter her and don’t know how, aside from locking her in the house. I pray that I am doing enough, and saying the right things, but she really thinks I just don’t get it. And she may be right. I don’t want to get it. It’s too difficult for me to think about it long enough to understand. So I’m asking you to pray. Pray for my daughter, your daughter, your granddaughter, neighbors daughter- just pray for the youth of today. Sons and daughters alike.
Last week Brian and the boys were working on the race cars when Matthew came up to Brian and said, “I’m so British, do you know what that means?” Brian says, yeah, it means you’re from England. Matthew promptly replies, “no, it means I’ll believe anything!” Brian says, “no, that’s gullible.”