Last month I hinted around at something that I wanted and it didn’t happen. The opportunity presented itself again, and I didn’t know what to do. I wrestled with God, and I had questions. Was I doing the right thing, or using my free will to do the wrong thing? I finally decided that God would close the door again if it wasn’t supposed to be. The IT, was a job at a school. There were lots of pros and cons on the list, and I was just uncertain. When it didn’t happen the first time around, I will be totally honest, my heart was broken. I was upset and confused, but I came to the place that I understood, it wasn’t meant to be. God closed that door for a reason, and I might not ever know the reason, but I will go on. So, when the postings came up again, there was inner turmoil. Turmoil because of what happened the last time, and a few other reasons too. But, like I said previously, I prayed about it and went out on a limb.
I had inner turmoil, and that’s when I knew I needed to be still. I wanted to interfere, but I didn’t. That was hard for me, an admitted control freak, but I stayed strong.
Our schools are way, WAY over budget. They proposed a referendum, a property tax increase for 7 years to help ease the budgetary problems. Most people in our community are feeling the down turn of the economy, reigning in spending, and leary of increased taxes. The referendum did not pass, therefore, the teaching assistant position that I interviewed for back in August and didn’t get, will be cut. The person who did get the job, a teacher who didn’t get a teaching position, but a teachers assistant, will be losing her job. It’s hitting home. God closed the door, and now He’s revealing why. He always knows.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I’m glad that I was able to listen and be still. I didn’t take control and mess things up. It would have been a hassle, an inconvenience that we just don’t need right now. So, it was hard, but He saved me from the really hard. Thank you Jesus for loving me and my flaws. You forgive me when I’m controlling and mess things up. Please continue to grow and change me.