My dad and I had a great conversation this morning. We talked a little about forgiveness, and the peace you are left with when you partake in the act of giving it all to God, and not carrying the junk around with you. He asked me why did I think it took him so long to finally come to terms with that. Was the Lord hanging back wondering the same question? I said maybe God taught him a lesson, so that now he understands what it’s like to carry the burden and finally unload it, and he can better minister to people about forgiveness. With me it has to be a daily prayer. I need to ask God to use me and work through me to reconcile the feelings I have toward others, and to heal the hurts caused by them. I need to remind myself that just because I am forgiving them, that is not giving them any power, or saying that what they did was right or OK. I have to trust that God will deal with them on my behalf. I don’t need to worry about it. But I do have to have this same conversation with Him daily, or I notice resentment coming to the surface. And that is UGLY!
Forgiveness is a two way street. I have tried over the past month to put my issues aside and ask forgiveness. If I have had a tiring day with my 3 year old, and have to run back and forth with my other children’s activities, it has been really easy for me to take it out on my husband. It is sometimes too easy to be crabby to Brian, and put up a front for others that everything is fine. Is that because I know he loves me? Is that because he is the only adult here that I can speak to? Is it because I want him to share his feelings and frustrations with me? Maybe, but that doesn’t make it right. He has been away all day with his own struggles, and shouldn’t get the worst of me when he comes home. I am realizing this, and trying not to be selfish, like the only child that I am! Brian should get the best of me when he comes home, and that will set the tone for the evening. I am working on that, and have to let you know how quickly I progress. If I can give it to God before Brian comes home, things will be great. And when I don’t manage to do that, I need to apologize to my husband for my behavior, and ask for forgiveness. This reminds me of the song we sing at church called “I’m Forgiven.”
“I’m forgiven, because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
because You died and rose again!”
What an amazing gift we have been given! I hope that if there is something you have been carrying around, you will unload it today, and feel the awesome love and peace that is waiting for you with Jesus.